I do not like White Elephant Gift Exchanges, Chinese Christmas, or whatever you would like to call it. There are three things you should know about me:
1. I take games very seriously, to the point that they stress me out.
2. I do not lose gracefully.
3. I always lose at White Elephant Gift Exchanges.
Several years ago I participated in one such “game” at my office. It was the year of the Snuggie, and I had this grand idea to bring one to watch everyone’s faces as one unknowing victim opened it. I fantasized about pointing and shouting “Sucker!” as they realized what they had selected, but I had no such luck. They collectively gasped in awe [not horror!?] when it was opened. Co-workers and physicians took turns stealing the Snuggie and even tried bargaining to trade their gift for it.
When it was my turn to select a gift, I went for a medium-sized [don’t always go for the largest gift on the table—trust me, I have been tricked before], nicely wrapped box. Someone obviously put effort into it. Everyone watched as I opened yet another damn Snuggie. My irony was not only lost, but it slapped me in the face. Thankfully one of the other goobers in my office swiftly stole it away from me.
That year I ended up with a two-pound box of licorice. Who the hell thinks it is ok to bring licorice anywhere, much less as a gift? Even if they did it as a joke, I interpreted it as pure evil. It was then that I wanted my Snuggie back, as I knew it was at least worth $15. Four years later, I have come to realize that I may not get to the bottom of this, but the person responsible better pray I never find out.